What does it feel like when your sister, who is your best friend, answers the call of God and prepares to move to another country with her husband and children to serve as missionaries?
My friend Vanessa, who blogs at 55PoeStreet, shares a moving and eloquent reflection of her struggle as she faces the changes to come.
“…this is on my mind: Embracing the hush coming over my life. Like a wind whirling above me, but w/o a sound. It’s a strong wind controlled by a Voice. I sense transition, my gut cannot deny the change coming, nor control it. I want the change, on some level. Change is always good when viewed through the eyes of faith, because I know that ALL things work together for my good for those how Love Him.
Though on another level, I am tantruming inside. Like an explosion, tears surface for the change coming, tears that sneak upon me when I see or hear reminders of our friendship. Then pictures of us as kids play in heart, remembering that she’ll always be my ‘playmate’, she’ll always be my sister and friend, no matter how far.
And then I get swept with a sweet joy for her. Because I know how long she’s waited. I know the price she’s paid, in friendships, in reputation, in understanding, in sacrifice, in prayer, in need.
Because I knew back when we were teenagers and I nicknamed her “Mother Teresa”.
Then I am back at the beginning—the hush.
We have a tendency to avoid change in our lives or we fight it with denial, anger, or ignore it. We don’t like to be out of control. We try so hard to hold on to how things “have been” or ‘for tradition’s sake’, instead of embracing the shift beneath our feet. Our lives have been intertwined for so long.
The past few years have been all about leaving behind paradigms, protocols, and plans I clung to…to embrace walking to the rhythms of grace, to wash others in this ocean deep grace.
Freedom comes with change, we release allegiances, we forgive the past, and set our eyes aflint. For in this life, I’ve learned to trust in the Author who writes my story, who brooded over the Earth before I was born, who wrote my story on the tablet of my heart, who wrote her story. And as we choose to walk out the pages of this beautiful story, we can celebrate, even in apparent loss of the physical habits of our relationship, I can cheer her on, hoping, wondering, and praying,…and missing…so to the hush coming, I fear it slightly, I welcome it hesitantly, and I submit to it one knee at a time.”
Thank you Vanessa for sharing your heart. My prayers are with both of you!